“What’s so bad about being a perfectionist” my client asked me, “if it means I simply like things to be well done?”
Well yes, of course, if just meant to simply enjoy things done ‘correctly’ and efficiently.. But, what about when it starts eating away at your levels of happiness?
What then?
Is it worth it?
‘Wait up’ I hear you say.. ‘Eat away at my levels of happiness?? What’s she going on about?’
So, let’s go back to the beginning…
What does it mean to be a perfectionist?
Well, we like things done perfectly right? But as a result, nothing we do is ever good enough until we see absolutely zero flaws in the said task/person/action.
So tell me this, how often is it possible to create something with zero flaws?
Can we ever truly create a masterpiece without seeing a single thing to change?
How Does It Manifest Day To Day?
I’ve seen people at an absolute standstill, unable to move forward or get a task completed because it still isn’t perfect. The result? It never gets done.
It just bounces around in the back of our minds waiting to be crossed off the list, unable to move forward nor backward.
I’ve seen people try their hand at something with no prior experience and expect it to be professional and flawless the first time round.
And the worst part?
They beat themselves up and kick themselves to the ground when it isn’t perfect…
It’s around this time that the little voices in our minds turn up the volume and we hear things like “you aren’t good enough”, “so typical of you to mess this up”, “everyone is going to notice how sh** you are.”
Sound familiar?
If this is you, you know all about that constant voice of failure, the inability to attempt something out of fear of failing at it, the conversations you re-run in your mind. All the variables of what you could or should have said instead. How others will judge you if you’re messy, or late or mistaken and that constant mental list of things you need to tick off and get done.
Are you seeing the problem yet?
Keeping up such a level of perfection for everything within your life is not only problematic for your self-esteem, but also absolutely exhausting. Nobody can keep such rigid control over themselves without balance being restored elsewhere.
Here is where our next dilemma comes in…
The ‘All Or Nothing’ Cycle
The exhausting tightly wound perfection needs an outlet, a way to blow off steam and recoup. And, from what I’ve noticed with my clients, it’s usually a period where all self-imposed rules go out the window.
The creamy, heavy, gluten-filled pasta that you usually steer clear of? Yes, please! Chocolate cake for breakfast? Because, why not? It’s time to close the blinds, load up the movies and hibernate in the bat-cave for a week.
I bring this up not out of judgement (absolutely zero. I’m a total fan of chocolate for breakfast and heavy pasta) but because it absolutely breaks my heart to see that rather than enjoying your period of re-balance and going with the flow, you use it as another excuse to despise and beat yourself up. You wonder why you do this to yourself and question why you can’t be like everyone else. So, what happens next? You kick yourself in the butt and try to make up for the ‘slothiness’ by getting back on your 150%, ‘A’ game…
And so the cycle continues…
This is what I mean when I say that perfectionism eats away at your levels of happiness,
I see it time and time again.
At no point throughout that whole cycle did you have one moment of simple chilled out happiness without putting pressure on yourself.
As I said, it breaks my heart.
“Most of the time I feel like it’s the really, genuinely, awesome ones that rip into themselves the hardest.“
I genuinely wish they could let all that baggage go and see themselves in the same way as that I see them. I wish I could take off their self, image glasses and give them the glasses that I wear when I see and speak to them.
Because I obviously can’t do this, instead, I’m going to give you a few tips to ease and soothe these tendencies while you organise your next Kinesiology appointment (which you can do here.
The Correction.
Mentally: Learn to accept yourself the way you are, the good, the bad, the ugly.
You, my dear, notice your flaws much more than anyone else does and when others do notice them, we tend to either forget them in a heartbeat or add it to the colourful mosaic that is you. Trust me, we don’t define you, your character or your worth by imperfect details. Just go with the flow, stop fighting.
If you need some re-enforcement, try these affirmations:
‘I accept myself regardless of what I do’
‘I don’t have to be perfect. My best is good enough.’
‘I am acceptable, regardless of what I do’
‘I know and do what is right for me’
Physically: Flower Essences are one of my favourite tools to use, namely since they work so effectively with so little effort. The longer you use them and the deeper they rebalance and anchor. You can order some here, or get in touch with me if you can’t see yours in the list.
Whitethorn– Helps us be more gentle with ourselves. It brings a sense of optimistic freshness and helps our thinking to move in new, innovative directions. It helps release us from succumbing to old patterns and habits, especially if we have continued to act them out after initially recognizing them.
Rock Water: For those who are very strict in their way of living. They deny themselves many of the joys and pleasures in life because they consider it may interfere with their work. They are hard masters to themselves and have very high standards to maintain.
Prickly Pear Cactus– The key word here is ‘adaptability’. It’s qualities help us to surrender to the flow of life’s events and wonderful for culture shock and change.
Beech– Is the primary flower essence for all things intolerant. This makes it a perfect choice for handling anger and frustrations. It helps calm nerves and over reactions to anything.
Pine– helps when we blame ourselves for things done or undone. It helps us to acknowledge our faults without dwelling on them, and put right where we can the things we did wrong.
Pencil Cholla Cactus– For feeling lost, confused or overwhelmed by details. It helps us to focus continually in a specific direction and find steadiness with our intention. It brings clarity and surrender into and through obstacles.
Anchor The Change With A Kinesiology Session.
So, lovely one, if you relate to these perfectionist tendencies, I hope this has helped and don’t hesitate to get in touch with me or book a session if you’d like some some fast track backup to remove those boulders you’re carrying.
Speak to you soon!
xx Alicia