Why Anger Isn’t Always A Bad Emotion

Many people view anger as a ‘bad’ emotion; one of those thats we ‘shouldn’t’ express.

Some even fear it and avoid the idea of confrontation at all costs in order to avoid any potential for it. Let me, however, stop you right there and clarify anger from a Kinesiology perspective.

Anger is a primary, built in and hardwired emotion for a very good reason.

Simply put, we need it. Even when it’s uncomfortable.

Anger isn’t always a bad emotion, it’s that short storm that clears out debris and cobwebs. It effectuates change when we need it. It allows us to place boundaries and opens up the lines of communication.

We, as a society would be stagnant without it.

We can however, get caught up in an overdrive pattern where we start to see more frequent outbursts of anger. It starts to lock us up in tension and frustration becoming a normal sensation in overdrive.

When this is the case, we need to start having a closer look at what’s going on, where and why we’re holding on too tight.

Before I go on, I’d like to clarify.

Although I don’t see anger as a bad emotion, I wholeheartedly do not advocate people using their normalised, overdriven anger as a tool to exert control over others, in particular, women and children. Dealing with emotional triggers and your responses to them, is and always will be, a personal responsibility that needs embracing.

As a Kinesiologist on the Gold Coast specialising on the psychological drivers of a person, let me explain the 3 most common underlying factors I see with clients seeking help for their anger.

Imbalance 1: Inability To Express

I tend to see with oftentimes with men coming into clinic wanting to work on their anger and can be split in two ways. Sufferers will have a difficulty in physically expressing their opinions and beliefs, preferring to think it through and digest it themselves.

This isn’t usually and issue, however, I often find there are usually a couple of events or situations which have not been mentally resolved. Alternatively, the person/people they are speaking to refuses to hear/ listen, as a result they’ll shut down the communication.

Over time, both of these will lead to a mental simmering of emotion- simply because it hasn’t been verbalised or heard. It mentally and emotionally builds up, and, with no where to go; is unintentionally forced out. Resulting in what we’re seeing as anger outbursts.

The source of it though, is still there, we’re seeing symptoms of it but no resolution.

Imbalance 2: The Mental Box

This imbalance is when we have strict ideals, opinions and values.

Over time, we accumulate them and enforce them. We start overusing words such as “should” and “shouldn’t “, create ongoing to-do lists and have a strict opinion on how to live and behave. With this type of imbalance, you’ll not only be critical with yourself, but also be quite critical of others.

Either developed by learnt behaviour from parenting or through natural predisposition, these types have a lot of trouble letting go. They believe things have to be done now and correctly and can often be perfectionists.

The cure??

Going with the flow!

Knowing and trusting that life is just the way it’s supposed to be and everything will be ok. It’s easiest to adapt accordingly, rather than trying to over control and feeling frustrated when things don’t go to plan.

When we’ve been in this mindset for a long time, it can be easier said than done. Untangling years of learnt behaviour and beliefs can be tricky to do alone. But even having the awareness and starting to spot yourself displaying that rigidity will go a long way in changing it.

Rebalancing and recalibrating your internal systems with your expert Kinesiologist will go a long way. Consider what Chinese medicine has to teach us, learn all about Anger and the Wood Constitution here.

Imbalance 3: The Unchanging Dynamic.

Are you constantly triggered by the same person? The same situation or environment? This type of anger buildup stems from the same pattern or dynamic repeating itself. Whether it’s a case of unclear boundaries on your behalf or behaviour such as a lack of respect, you’re feeling regularly triggered, powerless, stuck and frustrated.

Somehow or other, even if you don’t see a solution, something has got to give. The situation or dynamic simply isn’t working- rendering it unsustainable.

You can try to hold on as long as possible but in the end your subconscious will fight to protect you.

You can either wait for that explosion to happen or find a way to shift the dynamic.

What can be let go, shifted or expressed??

I know it doesn’t feel like there are any options, that you feel stuck. But, take a step back, view all your options- which is the easiest one and go with it. Something has to change, so- trust yourself and back yourself up. These changes or confrontations don’t need to be aggressive, just firm , with a calm and open-minded energy.

The Common Thread

All three of these drivers are a form of feeling boxed in; either verbally, our mental ideals or with our physical relationships to a person/environment- Anger builds and something has to give.

We have to learn to let go and go with the flow, putting down the mental constraints and letting things be with an open mind. When I say this, I don’t mean total surrender. I mean the sweet spot in between discipline and surrender: FLOW.

Things around you still get done, they won’t crumble around you if you don’t tend to it all, but the energy behind it isn’t the same.

It’s a shift from letting go of the pushing force and control and allowing an ‘I’ll adapt to the situation’; creative force.

If you need to address a few unresolved or undigested issues with someone, do so with tact and calm, you’ll see the receiving party will respond much more if they aren’t feeling threatened.

Anger isn’t a bad emotion, it’s a fantastic way to shake feathers and enact change. Don’t be scared to express, just try to do it with tact and with responsibility for your actions.

It’s all part of the rich tapestry of life and human interaction.

Hope this has given you some food for thought and help along the way. If you need any help untangling and getting to the bottom of your overload, get in touch or book a session.

Alternatively there are some fantastic tools and hacks that go a long way in diffusing inner anchors and triggers.  Head to the shop to calm things right down while you start resolving your baggage and triggers.